As I spent more time with locals in Singapore, I have found myself experiencing a larger gap in what I used to know as socializing.
I was eventually camouflaged into their culture and became one of them. Again, not all Singaporeans are the same, it also depends on the group of people you surround yourself with. Note that this article will only be based on the people that I have met.
For a bit of background, I was born and raised in France and moved to several places before landing in Singapore. I consider France as one of my homes.
A friend of mine has just moved to Singapore from France. When I met her again and she took me to her friends’ apéro, I came to the realization that I haven’t experienced the same type of socialization since I started work.
When I go out for drinks or for dinner with some of the Singaporeans, the most common behavior that I’ve seen was the usage of their mobile phones. Usually, when I see the screen and I see a texting screen, I would usually just let go as I also sometimes need to reply to texts when I’m out too. But when most of the time, I either see their Facebook/Instagram app open, or even worse, an online game app on which they have just started a 10 min long game, I cringe on the inside.
It has come to the point where I face the same at work. When I go downstairs for a smoke with my colleagues, they immediately take out their phones and play games with each other without exchanging another word. As a person who expected to de-stress by socializing with my fellow colleagues, it was quite a turn-off until it became an expectation for me whenever I went for a smoke with them. When I walk into our office pantry at lunch time, I don’t see or hear coworkers talking to each other. It’s a half silence as they are busy playing games and cursing at each other on their phones.
When we do go out, drinking games kick in. Maybe a “How are you?” starts the night, but it is then followed by one or more hours of playing with each other before we can lose to take a sip of our drinks. “Never have I ever”, or “King’s Cup”, we’ve all played it and we’ve definitely repeated many of the “never have I ever’s”.
I still went out, I still tried to blend in by sitting quietly as I accepted this new way of socializing. Until my wake up call came. When my friend took me to the apéro, I had the biggest nostalgia in months. 40 people were cramped up in an apartment, strangers were talking to each other, there was no need of drinking games to break any ice, there was not even any ice to break because everyone tried to know more about each other despite being strangers.
It was then that I realized how much I missed socializing. I started wondering whether my belief that blending into every country I live in was always the right way anymore.
I have felt so unhappy with trying to enjoy something I have never enjoyed for the sake of blending in. I always received compliments on how well and easily I could blend in with any culture.
When I was at that apéro, when I came outside for a smoke, people were talking to each other. I don’t even remember seeing a single phone.
This is another dark side of Third Culture Kids, whereby we can’t always blend in anywhere. It may seem like we’re doing it just fine, but we might not be truly happy ourselves. I have started feeling like I’ve lost track of who I really am because I have tried so hard to be like others.
Afterglow 